Day 44: When “Tomorrow” Becomes a Weekly Subscription

The morning started with promise. Stretching, good intentions, the whole setup for what could have been a productive day. Then reality kicked in, and I spent the entire afternoon doing everything except the one thing I actually needed to do: go to the library.

The Social Minefield

Here’s something they don’t tell you about college: sometimes the hardest part isn’t the studying—it’s dealing with the social environment that comes with it. The library should be a sanctuary for focus, but when you’re surrounded by batchmates who seem to have nothing better to do than provide unwanted attention and commentary, it becomes this weird performance space where you’re constantly aware of being watched.

There’s something particularly draining about that kind of social energy. The looks, the unspoken judgments, the way people seem to have opinions about your presence in spaces you have every right to occupy. It gets under your skin in ways that are hard to articulate but impossible to ignore.

The “Tomorrow” Trap

I’ve said “tomorrow” seven times this week. Seven. At some point, you have to acknowledge that “tomorrow” has become a comfortable lie you tell yourself to avoid the discomfort of today. The procrastination wasn’t really about not wanting to study—it was about not wanting to navigate the social complexity that comes with studying in shared spaces.

But today was different. Instead of defaulting to my usual postponement strategy, I actually went. Not because I suddenly became someone who thrives in socially uncomfortable situations, but because I realized that waiting for the perfect moment when everyone else disappears wasn’t a strategy—it was avoidance.

Decision Fatigue Is Real

Something that caught me off guard: the literal headache that comes from having too many study options. When you have multiple interests and everything feels equally important, the paralysis of choice becomes a physical sensation. Your brain starts running in circles, trying to optimize for the “best” choice instead of just making any choice.

Having variety in what you want to learn should feel like abundance, but sometimes it feels like standing in front of a restaurant menu when you’re absolutely starving—every option looks good, but you can’t decide, and meanwhile you’re getting hungrier.

The Reality of Imperfect Execution

My legs are still protesting yesterday’s luggage adventure, heat therapy for the wrists continues, and I’m calling this my “first time deciding to study while being in college” which is both hilarious and slightly concerning

But that’s the thing about real life—it’s messy, imperfect, and rarely follows the neat narratives we see online. Sometimes showing up looks like finally going to the library despite social anxiety. Sometimes it looks like making decisions when you have a headache from overthinking. Sometimes it’s just about breaking the cycle of “tomorrow” and doing something today, even if everything isn’t perfect.

The library will be there tomorrow, and now I know I can actually make myself go. That’s something.